Quote of the week #5

Man who has been waiting 30 minutes to have the cut on his thumb assessed:

"You call this the emergency ward?! You should call it the death ward - you move so slowly that we'll all be dead before you get to us!"

The Apple and The Tree

The child is brought in by police for a mental health assessment after engaging in some very high-risk behaviour.

When the hospital phoned the parent for consent to treat, the parent answered the phone and then said "Hang on. I need to put you on hold. I've got Children's Aid on the other line."

When the parent finally arrives at the hospital, hours after the child did, they are observed sporting a t-shirt with a very inappropriate saying and picture, and a ball cap emblazoned with a pro-drug emblem.

Now I'm convinced: losers are made, not born.

Bingo!

It is 6:45 am, and the Emergency Department has been steady all night - no horribly sick patients, just a constant, unrelenting flow of clinic care style concerns.

The young boy skips in the door, singing. He has a half eaten cereal bar in his hand. He happily approached triage with his Dad and, with a huge smile, states:

"Hi Nurse! I'm sick! Really, really sick! Dad had to bring me to the Doctor first thing this morning!"

Dad follows with:

"He has been up all night with belly pain. He seems fine otherwise - he doesn't have a fever and he hasn't thrown up or had any diarrhea. He didn't eat his supper last night - he doesn't like meatloaf - and only had a cereal bar before he went to bed. Maybe he is hungry? He is eating a bar now and seems to feel better"

Can we please install a piece of rubber on the wall? Banging my head constantly on this hard plaster is starting to leave a mark!

The Things You See When You Don't Have a Gun

The med student was a bit odd.

He was big (6'2") and brawny (obviously a weight-lifter) but not particularly bright.

When he was on the spot (being pimped by the ERP) his voice was soft and slow with lots of 'umm'ing and 'uhhh'ing, but very few right answers.

When the ERP's attention was elsewhere however he had no problem flirting with the nurses, whistling, humming, drumming on the desk incessantly and wildly playing air guitar around the nursing station. Basically he totally disrupted the entire area with his antics.

The capper was when the doc pulled out the metal detector to investigate a 'piece of metal in foot' complaint. Odd Med Student decided to show us how he could make the metal detector buzz by running it over the pins in his ankle, his prosthetic knee, and...

the piercings in his penis.

ICK.

Tips to Understanding ...

Understand...

if someone starts a sentence with "I'm usually the most sane and rational person I know..." then you know something irrational or insane is about to come out of their mouth. They know it too - that is why they forewarned you.